What to do if you're too nice at work?

Published: Wednesday, Oct 1, 2025

Outline

  • Introduction: The “too nice” feedback: how it can hold you back and where does it come into play
    • niceness often blinds you to what you really want or need
  • connection with DISC personality types: high I and S types often get this feedback
  • this feedback is different for different levels: IC, Manager, Leader
  • IC level challenges and solutions
    • Setting boundaries: how to say no politely but firmly
    • Prioritizing your work: focusing on high-impact tasks
    • feedback: providing useful feedback in 360 feedback without sugarcoating
    • Handling conflict: addressing issues with peers directly rather than avoiding them
  • Manager level challenges and solutions
    • Addressing performance issues: having difficult conversations early
    • Pushing back: negotiating deadlines and resources assertively, pushing back on unrealistic requests
    • Too many monkeys: delegating effectively and not taking on too much yourself, empowering vs taking on responsibilities from your directs
  • Leader level challenges and solutions
    • Making tough decisions: balancing empathy with business needs
    • Building a strong culture: fostering collaboration and accountability
    • Driving change: leading initiatives that may be unpopular but necessary
  • tips for all levels
    • recognize that being clear is not mean - see Radical Candor
    • understand that saying No, pushing back, or making tough decisions is not unkind, it’s expected
    • believe that making the right decision is kinder in the long run than avoiding conflict
    • Develop emotional intelligence: understanding your own and others’ emotions
    • Seek feedback: asking for input on your communication style and effectiveness from your manager
    • Reflect and learn: reviewing situations where you felt “too nice” and identifying areas for improvement
  • Conclusion: Embracing your kindness while growing in assertiveness and leadership skills